Sunday, September 7, 2014

Basement Case

The clock on the wall says it's after 4, and since I can hear my mom moving around upstairs cooking something meaty-smelling, I guess it's PM. I just had to write this down that it made me laugh right off the couch cuz the clock on the wall is one of Batman I got for,like, my 4th birthday, and the needle stretching outta his crotch telling me what hour it is looks like he's going flaccid, like he just saw a picture of his grandmother. That's classic.

I don't know where to start, except Mike asked me to start reviewing his show pubicly, since I've heard every one since the first episode, when he thought he was all funny doing sketches where he dares people to pour hot coffee over their scrotums -- oh, wait, that was just a couple weeks ago... It's funny he thinks that's funny. I don't. When I'm his age, I'm gonna be all classy, like with boat parties. Plus, you shouldn't joke about that Ice Bucket Challenge. It's for a good cause and I did it cuz I couldn't fork over the hundred bucks. 

I need to speed this on up. I got English first thing tomorrow and I'm supposed to do a write-up up on William Carlos Williams, who sounds like an Englishman who thought he was Spanish. Anyway, he made his bones writing short poems. He's dead now but probly laughing with worms in his mouth at me cuz my write-up's gotta be at least 100 words, which is WAY longer than anything he ever wrote. I mean, how are you supposed to get 100 words outta this? 

"I have eaten 
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which 
you were probably
saving for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet and so cold"

I did a count on that in Microsoft Word and it's only 28 f-ing words! My teacher, Mr. Reynaldo, said I just gotta make an argument for why someone would eat all someone's plums and then tell em how good they were. I asked him how I'm supposed to say in 100 words that someone's just an asshole? and he gave me a "verbal warning," then -- get THIS -- he told me I gotta write a poem of my own in the same style and hand it in Tuesday!!! Funny thing is, that "extra" work is actually easier than the 100 words. I just took a note from the upstairs bathroom my dad left:

Toilets plugged up again
Use one downstairs.

Gone to Home Depot."

Anyway, don't really have much to say about this week's show. My iPhone auto-downloaded it and I was listening while I was standing around the Tootie's on Greensprings. Mike whines a lot, and I guess he still has a job.

So I guess I better start on this paper now; Batman's starting to look hung like he's at a funeral with a bunch of old people around. Or it's like his wiener points him toward crime. HAHAHA -- Bruce WANG.

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